I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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