I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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