I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
