but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
