ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
