Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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