I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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