My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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