I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
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