Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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