i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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