when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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