Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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