he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she told me i tasted like america
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
