And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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