I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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