I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
