I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
