It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
