Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
