Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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