everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
