Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
