i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
