I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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