I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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