Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
