Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
