He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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