it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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