my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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