Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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