sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
