Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
