so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
