So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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