You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
