What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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