Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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