I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
