So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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