Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
