Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Drunk is not a location!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
