Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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