'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
