My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
