well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just come out here and I will go home with you...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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