Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
