Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
