what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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