I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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