Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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