Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
