wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
