Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
