hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
