I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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