spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
