I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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