If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
