Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
